R.I.P B.F.F.
Reading that blog I didn't think it would be possible that I'm thankful that you walked away! My only regret is 15 years wasted...First off, I tried to help you but you wouldn't let me..Kept telling I wouldn't understand because I never went through it..like you hated me for that...Most "friends" would be thankful i never went through what you did.It was like you resented me for it because I could never truly feel or know what you went through and by the looks of it still going through..I was never the problem..you have issues..big Issues.That you're trying to blame on me? Way to take responsibility for your actions, Second, I find out that you've been bitching to other people about me but you say you only talk to me about our issues, bitching about buying me coffee or other things when I told you I don't know how many fucking times I didn't want your husband's fucking money but you kept insisting because i didn't have a constant income or alot of money...wow...saying you were trying to help me as a friend/sister but secretly tearing me down and bitching about it,,, you are crazy!!!

Had an interesting moment today.... So the "Friend" that tossed me out like trash decided to call me today...Told me to fuck  off and stop Commenting on their LJ...uh no if your going to say shit directed at me i'm going to say shit back just like you would...

She needs to come up with New Material though... Using the same approach with me that she used on her husbands sister..
 I'm "Indifferent" don't care about you one way or the other..clearly you do you had to call me to tell me to fuck off and just not ignore me like a normal person...
  but instead little pissed off you is blogging about it... I guess we both can play that game

15 Years wasted on you
Well Had a Month to think about the things that had happened on that day...

Thought it would hurt losing someone I had in my life for about 60% of it...And it really doesn't.....I figured if they can push me out over little petty things that I was not even aware i was doing to hurt them, and they let it bubble up for hell knows how fucking long and  then blow up at me and not even tell me why & throw me out of their life, then they aren't worth having....Especially AFTER they told me I don't even know how many fucking times to be 100% honest with them no matter what..Guess that was a lie...My Honesty in their eyes was Pettiness, Childish, & Jealousy...Jealous of what exactly? You have nothing I'd even remotely be Jealous over.What that you're married and have a home? Congrats Should I be jealous of 98% of the human population.. Jealous that you can lose weight quickly? I would too if I ate as little as you do and was sick like you were...Concerned at times? definitely...but Jealous? Not at all....Petty?? Petty how? I wasn't blowing up anything out of proportion..I was being honest with you. Childish? in what way? Because up until New years you never said anything about anything I ever said or did.. you let it go on and on instead of telling me, you talked to everyone else and not me first.. but if I did that you'd be pissed... Using other people facebook to comment on mine...looking through me like you didn't know me but I'm the petty and childish one? Any time someone pissed you off you went on like you could crush then and you were untouchable, like don't fuck with me i can take you down with one fowl swoop...lol Yeah because that's being a mature Adult... Bragging that you can make anyone feel 3 inchs tall..because that's a quality to be proud of..if I remember correctly you were made feel 3 inchs tall for years and look what that did to you the scars it left you with..turned you into a cold hearted Bitch pushing everyone out of your life that stands up to you...That's really pathetic... So you get to be a bitch and no one gets to be a bitch back? Life doesn't work that way... I fel sorry to the current ones in your life that have to find out what your like then the ones after that when they leave too..

You wanna say i never respected you....1 if I didn't respect you 15 years of friendship wouldn't of happened, I would of walked a long time ago if I didn't think you were worth holding on to... I don't need people in my life to live anf get through the day i'm quite capable of being alone on all counts. Atleast on my own I can truly be me, and not get told every other day that i never have to change that you love me the way I am but then drop fucking hints thats you're lying through your fucking teeth

Good Luck To Ya.. I hope the rest of them find out how poison you are and get out quick before the have 15 years wasted on you too
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So..yeah...It's been like 3 years.....whatever mainly made this thing to comment on others and they would know it was me then this thing kinda died off then came back...

I found out recently that I'm petty, Jealous and a pile of broken blocks..news to me but some so called friends think they know all so we'll let them have that...

I guess having concern or whatever is Jealousy(been told i'm jealous and envious of everything they have)..even better this has been going on for 15 years ..again news to me....I was blocked on facebook yet they'll still play scrabble against me...they walked in Robins and looked right through me but yet again I'm the petty and jealous one...

Apparently I've been like this for a while and they "toughed it out" for as long as they could....this same person not long ago told me they they'd never walk away from me like some others have and didn't like how I got treated for just being me but as soon as I wasn't who they liked they did the exact same thing,....

you can tell me anythkng they said be honest with me they said I won't get mad they said...well guess what you like everyone one else fucking lied..... you weren't blameless either you know you said a lot of shit that hurt too but did I walk away? No I stuck by you when everyone and everything was telling me not too

Best Friends???

So.....Best Friends.....Anyone Wanna fill me in on what that means.....Because lately in my life it's getting bitched at for "supposedly" talking about people when they're not around to defend themselves, and supporting unconditionally  through their problems yet if it was me all I'm doing is being childish and bringing drama to your door..WOW!!!! hypocrit much?.....when all I'm hearing about is that the same person that bitching to me about said subject is doing the same thing to me....but apparently telling me about it afterwards makes it ok in their eyes anyways......

  And also getting upset with me when I won't give them want they want, whether I have it or not.....like money to get certain things....They think because they're paying me back they should be able to do as they please, in 99.9% of scenerios yes...but this this one thing I don't feel comforable giving them money for they get upset with me....I'm sorry I'm not supporting it, for you or anyone one else. Actually no I'm not sorry for not wanting to support it because at one time you didn't support it either, as a matter of fact, I specifically remember you being so dead set against it(& allergic to it) bitching anyone out who did it front of you. I guess allergies have a way if disappearing and reappearing. God I wish my allergies would do that too.And the fact that you can lie to me to get it in the first place leads to believe that you care more for your habit and getting your fix  than you do or ever did for me...I know you say you do but that doesn't change the fact that you can lie to my face without a second thought....Yet if I get caught lying to you there's a big blowout and you freeze me out for days.....

K, Later Internet World

Comment If necessary


I Love You...........Biggest Lie Ever

I love you....3 Small words yet mean so much to so many people......Why use them if you don't mean them......If you read this and think it's directed to you then guess What, in some way it probably is...not necessarily directly...could be indirectly....

I love you....I can change..........If you say you can, quit saying it and fucking do it if you say you're going to......Quit with the god damn bull shit and doing the same thing week after week after fucking week.......You've been saying for about the past year you're going to change and guess what......you haven't...... If anything.......sure you changed.....you've gotten worse...not better.......I love you and don't want to lose you but can only take so much......I quit believing your "I'm sorry's & your I won't do it anymore" a long time ago.......they didn't mean anything then..I'm sure they don't mean anything now...You don't deserve to be forgiven ......not for this...you deserved to be kicked in the head and have everything taken away from you......maybe then you'll see what you have to lose....obviously just "forgiving" you doesn't work


When the gun's held to your head...then you can complain
There's really no point to this LJ Post..just kinda thinking out loud.....It isn't going to be very long just more of a question really................It's not even going to make sense to about 99% of the people who read it so don't leave sarcastic comments about confusion

People get together & People break up....That's life......if you were meant to be together you would be...plain and simple..pretty black and white..

so you break up with a guy/girl..then you go all depressed  like said person was your only reason to breathe.....well if said person was your only reason to be on earth why make other friends?So when you lose the "love of your life" all your "friends" get to lose you too?..............

"I'm sitting here forced to fake a smile and pretend everything's ok and it's all because of you"

No body's forcing you to remain depressed..I don't see a gun pointed to your head and someone saying be depressed without me be alone don't live your life......You're CHOOSING  to remain depressed.....you're choosing to think that you're life has no meaning without said person in it......

Whatever......If I'm not hurting anyone, then why is your 2 cents needed?

Who are we to pass judgment on what people do with their lives..because where I'm coming from apparently opinions are judgments now...if they want to fuck up their lives until the point where they've dug themselves in so deep that they're stuck and they can't get out....That's their choice.  yay good for you I hope you have a good life. I get that this post probably will only make sense to about maybe 3 people but that's the point...A journal(public or private) isn't supposed to make complete sense...It's thoughts, opinions, ideas, blah blah, blah...I mean whether I get asked for the opinion or not I get looked at like the villian..like I'm the reason your life isn't going perfectly.............WELL SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....I get told almost on a daily basis, more or so, happens often enough that it might as well be day to day that I need to change/start doing more things with my life & anytime I show interest about wanting to change anything about my life I.E. get a job for anything like that it's never.....cool where you planning on working or going to apply to It's always how hard it's going to be.....how I can't handle it.....isn't that for ME to figure out not you.......heres my comment to that...............FUCK OFF............I get told to keep my opinions to myself that you can life your life the way you want.....so why am I listening to you tell me shit you don't like about my life?.......I'm not allowed to say anything to you without getting the 3rd fucking degree.......hmm free country....people can speak/do as freely as they please......BULL FUCKING SHIT...........I'm not hurting anyone anymore that you are


So...........Been a few months............Oh well If there was anything happening worth writing in here it would be here.....

I've come to the conclusion that I'm going back to the cold hearted bitch I was intended to be...........Being the good/nice/helpful person so far hasn't had any benefits. In the end I'd be better off to be the person who caused the problem, at least then the getting bitched at will have a purpose

(no subject)
Not sure about What to write tonight.....Just figured I'd update this thing......I haven't written in here in over 2 months so I figured it was about time....not to much to write about though..not too much as happened...my 20th birthday was last week...nothing overly exciting happened there....went to dooly's played pool had a few drinks the usual....getting attackd by MP29's cat almost every day but I suppose that's in a cat's nature:P.

Two of my really good friends are moving to Nova Scotia On the 6th.....It's going to suck I'm going to miss them like crazy but everyone needs off the sand bar for a while. Hopefully they come back to visit a lot:P....Maybe even go over there to visit them if I save the money to get over there in a few months....It would be cool to get off this island just for fun & not a a doctor's appointment being the reason....I've only ever been off tsland about 6 times without it being for a doctors' apointment...I would like to be able to go further than fredericton though....That's about as far as I've ever been off island....sucks bit I have no money to be able to go anywhere



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